Inspiring parents in our community: Caitlin Carey

Next up in our series is Caitlin Carey. Caitlin most recently (and notably!) was elected to New Castle Town Council in April 2022. Here she talks about her thoughts on balancing motherhood, community service, and how the two inform one another.

First off, how would you introduce yourself?

Caitlin: I’m a mom, wife, aging athlete, public servant on the New Castle Town Council, wanna be writer, and hopefully a world changer. I’m 44 years old so that means “things they are a’changing”. I need more rest. I can’t run or swim or bike as fast as I could, or ski as hard, or hike as strenuous a hike. But, there are things that are great about 44. I’m gaining perspective finally. And at 44, people actually listen to you!

Lots of people want to listen to you – they elected you to town council! What made you want to be on the Town Council?

Caitlin: I have always wanted to participate in the government. Even from eighth or ninth grade there has been a feeling that I wanted to participate on some level. For me, I am a big believer that we live in community and part of community is to advocate for those who can’t. I love this town {New Castle} and I want to see it grow in an equitable and sustainable way. I have had an ongoing conversation with my son about justice.

He asks a lot of questions and those questions go deep — he wants to know why the world works in the way it does. About four years ago a situation with friends opened up to how the government works {in those rambling ways that conversations with kids do}. Since then we have had an ongoing conversation as to how rules are made and enforced. And how we can work (and I am hopefully showing) how to actively make this community a better space.

He must be excited about you being on the Town Council!

Caitlin: He is glad that “mom gets to make the rules in New Castle“. He doesn’t like that I am gone Tuesdays, but he is getting used to it.

What advice would you have for parents balancing these dilemmas of career and parenting?

Caitlin: One that I love is that it’s not a 60 minute conversation, it is 60 one minute conversations. We can’t just download everything to them at once, they don’t have the brain development, skillset, or patience!

I love that, oftentimes we expect them to “just get it” but that’s not how it works!

Caitlin: No, it is about talking to our kids with empathy- trying to remember that they are viewing the world from a place of inexperience rather than experience. Also, transparency, let them know that we do not know it all and never will. Also, we have to get out of the “fix it” mentality. As parents we need to move into a more supportive way to parent – mom is in the same vicinity to hold space but not just do it or make it better automatically.

Has that challenged you?

Caitlin: My son and I are very similar, which means the same poles sometimes push back. Especially since we both have ADHD and stressors exacerbate that, we both can end up spinning at the same time and that is hard. He is also far smarter than I am in certain areas. One thing we are currently pressing through is screen time monster.

Our kids have access to screens more than we ever did. As a child of the 80s, TV time was special and a treat. Our kids go to school on screens now, we have screens in our pockets. Working to find the most effective way to help him learn to regulate himself (and keep us from losing our minds) has been a real challenge. It is a combination of earned rewards, grants, and sometimes consequences. Thankfully my son loves to read, and it is always a healthy shift to go to a book.

Finding all those balances in our life is hard – but you are doing a great job! Anything you want to leave us with?

I have huge love and respect for the mamas loving on their kids, loving on themselves, loving on their spouses, being who they are created to be, accomplishing what they love. And being extraordinary friends. By them being true to who they are helps me want to be my most authentic self too.

Thanks, Caitlin! Great advice and perspective for all of us!