On The Size Of My Children

I am acutely aware of the size of my children. Not from a medical standpoint – I don’t necessarily believe the size and shape of my children is reflective of their health so in that sense I am only peripherally aware.

I am, however, vastly aware of the passage of time and how the bodies of my children reflect that.

I can tell you exactly which child grasps my hand by the feel of the cool palm against mine. My youngest sits on my lap and I will grasp his calf as he sits, knowing that this stage of toddlerhood is almost gone. The weight of him light and heavy as only a toddler can be.

My eldest is at the stage of life that she will start to quickly change. In a year, or maybe four, she will be a completely different being. I don’t know when but I do know the exact tilt of my head now to look down to make eye contact with her. That distance will change and with it this moment in our lives.

My middle son jumps and leaps in that way that small children do, living a vivid life in his own head of obstacles and characters he must dodge just to get down the hallway. When does that go away? When do we lose that stage of life? Does it happen when he no longer grips my hand in the way he does?

I hold on to these thoughts as I take their hands and they snuggle in tight to read stories together. I try to imprint their touch in my mind now knowing that at every stage of their lives there will be different hands I am holding and different weights on my lap. This is a good stage and I am sure the next one will be as well even though it will be a slightly different variation of my children looking back at me.